Sunday, May 31, 2009

2. b

“I need tips!” Harshad said. He is wiping the spokes of his motorbike. If you go speeding through the sudden rain of this crazy city, the next day you spend doing this, if you don’t have enough money left with you for a service. The money which you spend on alcohol and chicken for your friends. Friends like me.

“Tits?....get operated” I say.
“Tips fucker”
“For what?”

He doesn’t answer. But blushes instead.

“For what?....epilating?”
“What’s that?”
“Nothing…..tell me…”
“I want to impress her..”

Chutiya. Speaking on serious terms, I don’t think anybody can give you tips to impress a woman. They get impressed by you, if they have to. And don’t if they don’t have to. It is that simple. But when a feeding friend asks, you have to stand by his side.

“Hmmm” I hum a pause like a knowledgeable man. “To impress a girl you actually need to know her…because every girl is impressed by a different thing…” The sermon begins.

“That’s why!….that’s why I’ve come to you…you know the right things man!....”
“Come on now…its fine” I smile modestly
“Please tell me how to know a girl yaar…you know na….I am not so good at these things…Please help me yaar!”

“Yeah dude…” I say with poise.

“Listen now….see…If you have to know a girl…you need to get close to her first”
“Try to be with her more…spend time with her….try to know what she likes…what she doesn’t like…what she wants…what she needs…once you begin to know her well…you will automatically start impressing her…because you will know what will impress her….understood?”
“But what?”
“But……will I impress her automatically then??”
“Yes man….” Damn! This man needs an extensive explanation every time. Dumb dick! “See…when you will know what she likes…you will start taking care of it…you will only gift her those things that she will like…and then she will start liking you…and then….do I need to tell?”
His face reddened as he smiled. He looked away. I teased him. He blushed further.
“Thanx man!”
“Come on dude…but remember….understand her…know her completely and only then think about further things okay? ”
“And don’t forget whatever she says…because her every word will be your key to her heart!”
“Yes sir!” he stood up and saluted me. He had learnt it from his father probably. He must have taught Harshad right from childhood. “Beta salute karo!” I felt like laughing madly at this thought. As a child he must’ve saluted every relative visiting his place. And his father must’ve felt proud at his salute. “Beta…Salute karo!” Old habits die hard.

“Chal….isi baat par…let’s have beer.” He said winding up his rim clean up.
That’s what I love him for. He is always ready to treat.

“But have you got cash on you?” Every free fed is worried about the generous.
“Enough to buy beer for both of us!”

Pretty cool! I was completely fine with it. As long as he has enough to buy me beer.
He went to his room to come back appearing more presentable for a human society. His efforts to adapt himself to humanity are appreciable. I allot with him with as much time as he needs.
In the mean time I think if my words will have any effect. I know how deceptive a human mind is. But an effort makes all the difference. His demand for tips was an opportunity. The hum pause was when the plan shaped up. And my suggestion to him was the backdrop for its execution.

I hope it works out.

Harshad will get close to Shamita as a friend. She will start leaning on him. The more she leans, the more frank she will be with him. And at a point she will reveal her lascivious affair to him. And he will withdraw himself from falling for her any further. And one problem will be solved for both of them. Seems cool.

He comes back dressed up.

He walks past his bike. I sense an effort to walk. I keep my fingers crossed. I pray to god that he takes his bike. He comes to me.

“Let’s not take the bike. Its still muddy. Tomorrow I will have to wash it all over again.”

‘Bhosda!’ I say to myself.



solitarywhite said...


did YOU even know what epilating was?!!

suza said...

i bet he doesnt!!! :-D

solitarywhite said...


suza said...

the inherent secrets of a female!!

Salil Mirashi said...

Suza.............I knew what epilating me!!!